The hymns echoed through the halls of my childhood, a familiar melody that never quite resonated within. Growing up in a devout Christian household, faith seemed like a preordained path, one I diligently followed. Church, Sunday school, even a stint at a Christian middle school – it was all there, surrounding me like a well-worn cloak. But something crucial was missing. Faith, that elusive spark, never truly ignited.

The world outside the church walls pulsed with a different kind of energy. Early exposure to pornography and confusing sexual experiences at a young age left scars that festered. Seeking solace, I gravitated towards what felt "softer," a world painted in shades of lavender. It felt like finding a missing puzzle piece, a desperate attempt to fill the void within. This path led me to identify as lesbian and eventually marry my best friend from high school.

For a while, we built a life together. My 20s were a whirlwind of self-discovery, yet a nagging emptiness remained. Then, a few weeks shy of my 30th birthday, something shifted. It wasn't a dramatic lightning strike, but a gentle tug, a whisper on the wind. It was God, calling me home.

The journey that followed was arduous, a peeling back of layers I'd desperately tried to bury. Returning to church, a place that should have offered solace, brought fresh pain. The woman I'd loved since I was 17 and the very pastor who promised guidance became entangled in an illicit affair. The betrayal was a gut punch, a stark reminder of the brokenness in this world.

But even in that desolate valley, God's presence shone through. He taught me the radical act of loving my enemies, of praying for those who spitefully used me. It was a lesson etched in fire, a testament to the transformative power of forgiveness.

That's how "But God" was born. This podcast isn't a sugar-coated journey of faith. It delves into the messy realities – identity struggles, the sting of betrayal, the disillusionment with institutions that preach love but fall short. Through honest storytelling and open dialogue, we'll explore the depths of pain and the unwavering hope that lies beyond. Here, in the crucible of our experiences, we'll discover the truth that sets us free: But God… even in the face of unimaginable darkness, His light can pierce through and lead us home.